I'M JUST LOST...

[HOODED_LYRICIST]

Assalamalaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuhu,

For the past few months I've deeply fell in love with this girl and she is very much in love with me. Problem is she is not a Muslim but she is from a Hindu background (although she believes in one God), she is also one year older than me, and she is from a different cultural background. She told me she would learn Islam because she said she BELIEVED in it herself but she needed time. Everything was going alright until recently when my parents found out and freaked out. They THINK they made me promise not to call her again but all I did was nod my head and didn't say any word, so is that a promise? But I called her the next day, I tried not to, but I just had to. So recently I broke up with her because when ever I would be with her, i just kept thinking about my parents and how would they react if they found out I'm still with her, but at the same time I love this girl so much and would like be with her forever and I know she feels the same way. I just can't live without her but I also can't live with the fact that Islam doesn't allow this and my parents would probably never agree. I also fear that I would hurt her even more deeply, if we get attached even more if I break it off because of my parents. And it would be harder for me to break it off, since everyday I keep on falling in love even more with her. Although I love her, I can't stand the thought of giving her a false promise of us being together and I also love my parents very much. But nowadays I am just losing myself. Just the thought of losing her forever is killing me. And I'm still in high school, and I will always encounter her no matter, and everyone in the school basically knew we were together. So there's no way of avoiding her, and if I see her I probably have all my feelings rush back at that instant. Lately I had began to pray five times, but after the incident with my parents, I can't concentrate and not in the mood of praying. I feel that it's unfair how decent people who has the right mind and virtuoeus will go to hell, although I believe in Islam very much. And another thing is, if I'm with her, i know I might commit zina, which will devastate me to the highest degree cause I will feel like I betrayed Islam, my parents, her parents and relatives and specially her if I do not get to be with her. But I just can't seem to let her go. ALso, it was on my birthday that I broke it off, and I din't want to, but I did. I miss her very much, my heart feels so heavy, I don't know what to do. I was searching for answers but it seems pointless if my parents won't agree to the marriage. They say that I won't marry atleast until 10 years from now since I have to do my studies and I know they are right. ANd I know I can't tell her to wait for 10 years down the line because what if still my parents don't agree, then I would feel like I destroyed her life and couldn't live with the fact. But the point is I can't get over her, I miss her, I still wanna be with her, but I know I probably won't be able to and probably will hurt her again if we get back together. I am meeting her today to talk about it, I don't know what is going to happen. I just need some advises both religious point of view and other point of views.

I know I worte a lot and I thank those who read it.

Zazak Allah.

[SNOOP_KUTHA]

bruv, i can definetly emphasise with your situation

as can alot of people in mixed race asian relationships, im in one with a hindu aswell,so me n my "fiancee" goin thru same fing as u n ur gal

i think you know the kinda advice your gonna get, cause you mentioned the problems and your not a stupid person, you know what needs to be done init

but its easier said then done, i know that for sure, just a few short months ago i was the one tellin people its easy to walk away, you will find someone else...but why look for someone else when you got someone who's got everything you want from a partner

its definetly a tough situation, as anyone will tell you who's in a similar situation

this is my plan, i call it a plan, but its more like its been written up by someone else, cause im gonna leave my gal, i know have to, my parents wont accept her, she wont convert,and i dont want her to convert for my sake, she has to convert cause she believes in islam, but she cant betray her parents and the religion she's grown up with, my parents cant handle me bringin home a indian gal n sayin i wanna marry her...therefore jus for there sake and my gals parents...were gna end it ...well im gna end it...ive done it before but i keep goin bak on my word...thats the hardest bit

i dunno man, i cant give you advice cause i dont even know myself what im gonna do, or if im gonna stick to my word, nor can anyone else give you advice...cause unless you experience certain things for yourself you can never understand...i understand your situation, i just havent got a solution for it apart from the obvious...the way i see it is theres two options

you stay with the girl, and upset each others parents, but at least you get what you want...altho you feel upset for the hurt you cause your parents

or you let the girl go, and keep your parents happy, but you and the girl be upset and wonder about what could have been

you gotta weigh up the pro's n con's for both choices and decide which one will effect you less, which one you feel you prioritise the most...its hard but it has to be done...either way someones gonna get hurt and thats why this whole fings so fuked up

[samtel]

Best thing to do in such case is that go to a Hindu temple and marry after getting rid of this religion called Islam. Before doing that I suggest you read a book written by Vivekananda named "What is Religion" so that your eyes will open to a world which is full of light.

[jodyraye]

Dear HOODED_LYRICIST,
I'm sorry to hear of your hard times. All I can say is that you are young now and things can change with time. Some of what your parents say is true in that you have awhile to go before you actually settle down and marry. Yet your feelings of affection in your heart for your young lady are also true. When a young man has such strong feelings he automatically thinks he should pledge marriage to her.
I would say keep your friendship with her and try also (as I know you are) to focus on your studies. I'm sure your parents and your young lady friend all want you to do well in school. Its hard to do when you are under pressure.
So if you can try to "lighten up" about your future that will help you. Many things can happen in even 5 years, so if you can just say, "I don't know what will happen in 5 years, but I will try to do my best today". In other words, all you can do is take one day at a time.
I don't suggest trying to break off your relationship with her altogether. Just don't make it a heavy relationship these days. Lighten up with the relationship and you will both appreciate each other's friendship.
Do things with other friends. Try to do things that you really enjoy, because its important to enjoy life now. Again, take only one day at a time.
You sound like a wonderful young man. Remember, you are not alone.
Love, Jody

[MaKe_iT_LEgAL]

samtel take your clap trap elsewhere.
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hooded lyricist,

you cant give up your parents, ur gal or ur religion.....

strike a compromise.

surely since your gal wants to embrace islam, it would be more acceptable to ur parents?

and about zina..... apparently zina to the strictest sense of the word means youve already committed it just by being and maintaining contact with her.... (star tolda.s.b told me!)

things just wonth happen if you wait....... you gotta kick start the process.

[Star]

Originally posted by MaKe_iT_LEgAL
(star tolda.s.b told me!)

ye..umm. ne-thing that i'm supposed to have said, is best heard from me direct.. chinese whispers and all that.. like i can't actually remember saying that to asb but who knows

i can dig up a detailed response from somewhere on the net, IF you were really interested in the subject.. but i'm sure Zina - proper - is to engage in the act itself - but then the Quran says "do not come near zina, for it is indeed an abomination" - so that would b Alla?h saying you shouldn't be doing all the stuff that leads up to it.. (coming into contact etc)..


you also hear hadith(i think) bout zina of the eye..ear..tongue etc but i'm not clear if those are equivalent in sinfulness to the actual act of Zina - and I would've to look that up if you really wanted to know..

anyway carry on....

[Amar-Sonar-Bangla]

[quote]Originally posted by Star

but then the Quran says "do not come near zina, for it is indeed an abomination" - so that would b Alla?h saying you shouldn't be doing all the stuff that leads up to it.. (coming into contact etc)..

Star, that is indeed the part of your sermon I remembered from one of our earlier discussions. I think you said it on my infamous dating thread.

You should thank me Star, your fatwa's have travelled the length and breadth of the net by now. I see your name in the internet pantheon of greats. 'Sheikh Star of B.Com'....kinda has a ring to it, no?

Hooded, you're young yet. You should be concentrating on your studies and making something of yourself. Longterm relationships rarely blossom in High School. You say you don't want to ruin her life by asking her to wait ten years. No offence, but whats to say she will remember you in ten months time?

It sounds to me like your family have a problem with the relationship. Which is not suprising. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself whether it is your family or your girl you cannot live without. You should then endeavour to act according to the answer you find.