marriage issues

[Sabina]

I would like to know what your view is concerning marriage issues. Especially with regard to someone from this country getting married back home, and why is it always to a relative? From my perspective, it seems like all the Bengali families want to get their whole generation of families to this country, regardless of what the individual getting married thinks of! What do you think?

[BOTOI_MIAH_]

HI SABINA,

Welcome to the site,

I have just one thing to say to you,
if you or a someone you know is in
a situation, where they have to go
Bangladesh to get married...

PLEASE! PLEASE! DO NOT !
IF YOU WANT ANY SORT OF A LIFE, FORGET ABOUT
A HAPPY ONE,(just a life) DO NOT GO Bangladesh!

(THIS ADVICE IS COMING FROM A BLOKE)as you
probably sussed.

c ya Botoi bahi.

[This message has been edited by BOTOI MIAH ! (edited 11 April 2000).]

[Sabina]

Mr. B. Miah, do you possess an email address?

[Tareq_Ali]

Welcome Sabina,

I am 110% agreed with Botoi. You should listen to his advise.

Have fun.

[BOTOI_MIAH_]

Sabina,

Its - botoimiah@hotmail.com

please e-mail if you need to talk.

c ya.

BM.

[Ruhel_Ahmed]

Hi Sabina

How are you?

Yes, your right about that. The people I feel sorry for is girls, coz they don't have no choice.

Have you seen the bengali drama called "Londoni Koinia", if not then watch that drama and then you will see what I mean.

Talk to u later

Bye!!!!

[Rupali_r]

Hi there Sabina seems like your new on the site so welcome aboard. Unfortunately you stepped in at a time where there is considerable amount of tension in the air as some people (without mentioning any names) are still finding it a little hard to settle in!!

Anyway I have to say I can’t agree with B***I, Ruhel or the others, the circumstances are more complex than that. Ruhel I have watched “londoni koinna” and to tell you the truth didn’t find it that realistic. The girl goes over to Bangladesh, wears western clothes, starts working, goes out on her own around the village (I’m just pointing out that there’s some indication of freedom and independence). In reality if she had all of those facilities she really is likely to have a say in the bridegroom. On the other hand if she was totally kept within four walls of the house it would be easier for us to understand the actions of her parents.

If you have read the background to the drama (it was published in several Bengali newspapers namely Jonomot, Shurma and Sylheter Dak) you would know that the story was written several years ago and so the plot maybe somewhat out of date. This day in age not all girls’ parents demand money as an exchange for their daughter. In Bangladesh realistically it happens the other way round, the bridegrooms family demand motorbikes, money, fridge’s and other forms of c**p!!! The holy knot between two souls is being made into a business which I’m sure you’ll agree is very sad. A wedding should be a happy occasion and something to look forward to for both sets of the in-laws as well as the couple and no party should be made to dread the occasion.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is that you are putting girls off from getting married in Bangladesh. In my case I don’t have any problem with going there, I’m extremely close to my parents and they respect me as an individual so they would give me the final say. I mean I’d prefer to get hitched in Bangladesh for lots of reasons, firstly weddings over there are much more fun (especially the ones in the evening), secondly I’d have more family around, and also because it was my birthplace and so it would mean a lot to me if I made the biggest commitment of my life over there.

However my parents acknowledge the fact that I’m more likely to get on with a British Bengali bloke, because of the way I am personality-wise. Truthfully speaking it would be hard for me to find a guy in Bangladesh who shares my kind of mentality and outlook on life. I don’t want to offend the male population out there but so far what I’ve seen hasn’t been positive at all. I think (although there are exceptions and err by saying this I’m probably gonna put my foot right in it, but again please don’t be offended) most guys over here tend to mess up and go back to marry a completely innocent deshi girl. Many guys over here have been around had the fun and when it comes to settling down they feel like “killing a virgin”(not my phrase!!) So in that respect its better to get married in Bangladesh, as you’re more likely to have a truthful and honest relationship.

I know not every girl is as lucky as me to have parents who are traditional in their morals and values but also respect my desires, but if you can possibly talk to your parents or guardians about the sort of person you’d like them to choose, you’re more likely to have a successful marriage.

Anyway I’ve written enough !! Sorry if I went off the plot a bit but it’s a topic where everyone will have lots to say.

Take care of yourselves, sorry if I’ve bored you
Rups



[This message has been edited by Rupali.r (edited 12 April 2000).]