marriage issues

[Sabina]

How would someone go about explaining what is religiously and morally correct to elders when they take a completely 'traditoinal' view?

[TheShah]

Salaam,

I love this subject... I spent many long nights with my father and mother on subjects that will easily fall under this category.

Parents are just sooooooooo amazing!
As a child you look up at them, believing that they can never do wrong.
They are amazing. Frequently, you look at your fathers face and feel so proud!
Then you grow up. You start to have your own opinions and analysis of things.
Now, you think "Hang on a minute, I am right and my parents are wrong!".
Only, after you become a father (mother) yourself, you really know how to be a son (daughter)!
Parents are soooo cool.

Advice 1: Contact an Imam, especially one that can talk in English. Get advise from him!

My advice (for what's it worth):

Parents usually think they are right, always right! The fact of the matter is that they usually are - thanks to their years of experience. Consequently, when one attempts to approach their parents with an idea, which is perhaps correct, but to them quite radical, a confrontational atmosphere is produced. This, unquestionalbly, is not best suited for constructive discussion.

So how does one raise such issues without appearing to be confrontational?

One must attempt to disguise the issues as questions. Rather than TELL them what the religious standing maybe, ASK them what the standing is, ask them if the tradition is X and Islam says Y, who is right? etc. This shifts the power to the parents. With any luck they will know the answer and tell you what you want to hear, or it will force them to find out they may even do some research to find out or recommend them a favourable imam... good luck

The most important adivce I can possibly give is: Speak with wisdom, beauty and respect.

Anyway, gotta go, that's my good deed for the day! Now to plan that bank robbery!

Joi BangaDesh!

p.s. I can't be bothered to re-read this post for mistakes... it's kinda late... so please excuse me for errors.. I'm nothing short of a humoid!



------------------
Amar sunar Bangla... yeah right!
-- A Pathetic Nationalist

[Sabina]

Hi.

Thanx for the info.

However, you have to bear in mind that I belong to an extended family, whereby uncles(dad's brothers) are very biased and opinionated. They, in a manipulative way, control my own father! They don't allow my mother or any other females in the family to have a say or express themselves. My uncles can't stand women going into education, earning a wage etc. Whenever my younger brothers visit one of my uncles place, he would ask everytime, 'who are the best, girls or boys?', and of course my brothers would reply 'boys'. Once one of my brothers said 'girls' and my uncle went bonkers!

So, as you can imagine, it is quite difficult for my parents to come to a clear understanding when there are so many outside influences.

[Ram1]

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[mizanbdit]

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[Hemast]

From your poser, Sabina, I think you are pointing to "arranged marriages". If that is the case, I should remind you of the adage, "An known devil is better than an unknown angel"! Atleast, you have opportunity to know more about culture, status, mind-set etc. of some one from your own family-folk / relatives than those of someone outside that domain. Think about it, Sabina!