marriage issues

[TIPU]

Go to bangladesh marry a bangladeshi and bring em over we'll flood this country with banladeshi's yet......

[heesham]

Wellcome aboard Sabina! May you have hours of reading pleasure reading the hunky dories posted at this site.
Anyway, all respect to Rupali who i believe has posted some excellent advice.

Marriage is a very complicated issue and many factors and forces come into play, and is not something that should be taken lightly or done irrationally.
It is very important that as a male or female we become apt with our own personality. Meaning that with most of us our personalities fluctuate like the british weather and it is very important that we ourselves are able to generate an understanding of ourself.
Secondly, as Bangladeshi's (happy butterfly I said Bangladeshi) we seem to be very reserved and conservative in matters of marriage and many of us do not start thinking of marriage until mum & Dad puts through the proposition. I think it is important that those who are at their marriageable age should reflect upon the kind of partner they would be suited to. By understanding yourself first will allow this determination to be done.

It is of regret that many of our Bangladeshi parents are very extreme in matters of culture and they neglect many aspects of the Islamic creed.

Marriage is a Sunnah of the Prophet(PBUH) and is prescribed upon people who are in a position to do so.

Allah created men and women so that they can provide company to one another, love one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

The prophet (pbuh) said that a person may marry for four reasons a.money, b. nobility, c.physical appeal or d.piousness and he recommended that the latter is exercised.

Al-Islam does not prevent a female choosing a partner or vice versa. And is of outmost importance that parents give due regard to the choice of their son or daughter. However, this should be done in a halal way and not be taken as evidence for free mixing.

YOU MAY BE AWARE THAT KHADIJAH PROPOSED TO PROPHET MUHAMMED (PBUH) AND NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. Perhaps you should tell your parents this.

If a girl finds a suitable husband she has the right to offer her feelings to her parents which may be done through someone although some who are more relaxed with their parents may be able to do this themselves.

In many instances parents reject this kind of offer being that the son or daughter may be amongst those who show immaturity to the parents, hence a suggestion that they are incapable of marriage at the given time or incapable of choosing for themselves.
It is therefore important that (I) we build a character with our parents of someone who is capable of making choices beneficial for ourselves and (II) try and bridge gaps between us and our parents.

If it so happens that a proposal is brought from Bangladesh, there is no reason to refuse this on this very ground.
Every occasion should be used to reason and deduce. Analyse..... Why do you think that marriage to a non-Bangladesh residing Bangladeshi be a better option.

In fact, there are many westernised sisters i've known who have a found a more loyal and lovable partner from back home. This offcouse does not mean every case is the same.

Essentially, you know yourself better than anyone else and hence is paramount that if it were the case you should ask yourelf what kind of partner would suit you. But, you should judge every case according to its merits and not be biased towards its origin.

If it so happens that you are being forced, which is totally unIslamic, then again it is your responsibility that you make your parents aware of the errors manifest.

If there is anyone out there who needs help and lives in the London, England (not Canada) area, I would advice that you see someone such as Sheikh Abdul-Qayyum who is the Imam of the East London Mosque. I have known him to intercede for many who have been in difficult situations.

there is no one answer................

heesham

Ayyuhal Ikhwa "IththakULLAH hakka thukathihi wala thamuthunna illa wa anthum MUSLIMOON"

[Aqaiyum]

Hi everyone,

Whats wrong with getting married in Bangladesh, nothing at all, at the end of the day it is both the partners who make it work out. I dont really understand what BOTOI MIAH is blabbing on about, but before i comment further, i guess i will need to know what he wants in a girl! As to Sabina fair enough dont get married in Bangladesh and just to get married here, would this mean..your lifes gonna be happy!AND why wont you consider getting married in Bangladesh SABINA?? If dont like the guy say NO!!!so loud that all the B.com members hear and run to help you!lol.

I guess the problem occurs when s/he dislikes the partner to be and if the person is preferred its best to spend time just for a chit chat. If its a cousin this happens anyway. SO how can you then avoid LOVE MARRIAGE!!!!!!

BUT THE QUESTION I REALLY WANT TO ASK IS NEARLY ALL THE GIRLS/BOYS CANT SPEAK ENGLISH IN BANGLADESH OR EVEN KNOW A BIT OF THE LANGUAGE! This is required here, nearly in every occasion specially with kids, school and so on.

AND THE SECOND THING IS SORTING OUT THE VISA(ENRTY CLEARANCE) I HEARD IT TAKES AWHILE, JUST LONG ENOUGH TO PUT YOU OFF!!!But there some lucky ones!!

Well people this is the most i have written recently here so you be well and stay well!

And also waiting for my email replies!!hmmmm

Aqaiyum@hotmail.com


------------------
Abs

[butterfly_s]

Hi everybody!!!!Special thnks to HEESHAM its nice joining againg in an important issue.

here is my opinion :[asking for apology in advance in case ..]

Its not a good practice to get married without your consent however its not always a happy ending only if you marry whom u like.

Regarding to Tipu's comments as uk is not flooded[i guess] with enough bangladeshis
You are here to look for a bengali girl! correct me if i m wrong!
So It is also a good parctise to try to flood with bangladeshis.

I guess most of the uk bangladeshies are sylheti. sylhet or other places is developing. Thts y sylheti people in uk could be broad-minded/educated but not the one staying in sylhet.

What i want to point out that for this reason people should not be biased with the uk born bangladeshis saying that bangladeshis are not educated. coz people of dhaka are not the same. They are educated enough.


also just only speaking english doesnt make ya enough educated. There are lotta professionals migrated to developed country cant speak eniglsh but very well educated and successful.

Mind ya i ddnt say sylheties are not educated but very few comapre to DHAKA.

Marriage is one of the easy way to import people of their own to those countries. imagine You being the only person in uk!!!!!!!!! what would happen? the more people of ur own the much better for your community in an foreign land.

PEOPLE OF QALITIES SAME IN EVERYWHERE IN HEAVEN OR HELL.

Tipu if your parents would not migrate to uk would ya be there?

So be thAnkfull to those bangladeshi magrated parents/relatives whoever they are for whom you people now can say you are proud british bangladeshi!! and now seem reluctant to marry.

I hope my views will make sense toward marrying a bangldeshi and try to flood uk

PS:A WELL-EDUCATED BANGLDESHI HAS A LOT TO OFFER IN A LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP WHICH OTHER BORN AND RAISED IN A FREE Countries WONT IN MOST CASES. YOU WILL FIND ITS FUN TO BUILD A SAND CASTLE WITH THEM WHICH DOESNT LAST FOR LONGER.

mind ya exception does occur!!!!!!!!!!


best of wishes
butterfly

[This message has been edited by butterfly.s (edited 13 April 2000).]

[heesham]

hmmmm! interesting butterfly.

You are right there probably are not as many Sylheti professionals around as those from Dhaka, but have you contemplated why?

Sylhet, has more natural resources than any other part of Bangladesh- Gas & oil- the tea plantation and a lot of foreign investment from Sylheti's living abroad. Despite this MY Sylhet is neglected and developments are slow and few.

If Sylhet became independent or given autonomy to maintain and develop itself, it would become not only the richest district in Bangladesh but also a centre of foreign investment within South-East Asia.

Have you asked why there is an unfair distribution of of resources within Bangladesh and why when Sylhet generates a high volume of income for the country the aid it recieves in return in relatively poor.

Butterfly, do not take me wrong because I am not one to show biasness towards any one sub-race from Bangladesh and personally I would marry any from Bangladesh without hesitation of where they are from.

However, I find it wrong that Sylhet is neglected as is superficial.

Finally, to conclude- changing trajectory to subject matter- I would advice that you marry with great deal of thought and knowledge of the person your marrying.

Whatever you may decide to do take care of yourself.

yours truly
heesham

Amma Ba'ad:
"InththakULLAH hakka thukathihi wala thamuthunnah illa wa anthum Muslimoon"

[Sabina]

Salaam.

Take it easy guys!
It seems like you're going off the plot here! Please note there is a category for Bangladeshi Politics - just thought I should inform you!
Anyhow, there are certainly some important issues all of you have touched upon, and I am extremely grateful for the time and effort you have put in.
Please add more comments, they are of great interest!

[heesham]

Well, I did change my trajectory in the end.

Butterfly, don't bother replying to what I've written above. It was a harmless, spur-of-the-moment thing. I just didn't like your comment. Anyway don't take any ill feelings from it.
******Your still my favourite********

So sabina your ready for marriage I see. Interesting, so there was a reason behind your question.

Anyway, I hope you find your dream man!

By the way, if there is any problem (you being forced in to marriage in Bdesh) and you need assistance, don't hesistate to buz us at B.com and I'll try and see if there is anyone who you can get in touch with (perhaps we can sort out your old man- only kidding).

a.baba seems like a nice man. Slightly patriotic perhaps. Genuine nonetheless.

heesham
the great(here I go again).............