CLEAN JOKES ONLY!

[Farhana_faz]

Perfect man


The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
oh **** this stupid poem man
The perfect man is gay.

[Farhana_faz]

Woman & man in car accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are
totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, look at our
cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a
sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in
peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from
God!"

The woman takes a bottle of wine from her car and puts the cap back on.
She continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,
opens it and takes a few swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to
the woman. She shook her head and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[Farhana_faz]

okayy heres one in men's defence.Beer Turn Men into Women

Don't Drink Beer !!

Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female
hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and
observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without
making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive, failed to think
rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

[Farhana_faz]

Intelligent Test

Here are 4 simple Questions to check how intelligent you are, don't look
ahead. scroll slowly.

1. What weighs more, 10 pounds of water or 10 pounds of rocks?

2. If a electric train is going at 50 mph heading East from West which way
would the smoke go?

3. If a rooster sat on a TP roof and laid a egg which way would the egg
roll?

4. If it take 5 minutes to dry a t-shirt on a clothes wire, How long would
it take to dry 5 t-shirts?

Answers:

1. They both weigh TEN pounds.

2. ELECTRIC train has NO smoke.

3. Roosters DON'T lay eggs.

4. It takes 5 MINUTES. (Because you hang them at the same time)

Intelligent Rating
4 = Genius
3 = Normal Person
2 = Go back to school
1 = You're stupid deal with it
0 = Just forget you ever took this test

heres few more......
1. A man builds a house with all four sides facing south. A bear walks
past the house. What colour is the bear?

2. Before the days of motor cars, a man rode into town on his horse. He
arrived on Friday, spent three days in town and left on Friday. How is
that possible?

3. Can a man legally marry his widow's sister in the state of Arkansas?

4. How much dirt is in a hole four feet deep and two feet wide?

ANSWERS:

1. White. The house is built directly on the North Pole.

2. The horse's name was Friday.

3. No -- he is dead.

4. There's no dirt in a hole.

[KhadijahIslam]

Salam

Hey farhana..give me some credit for the first 3!!!!i sent u them fatty!!!lol!

see u at school!
Was a hectic day today wasn't it?

wassalam

[Farhana_faz]

*****************IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!***********************

>> > > >> > >You know you are Brown when ...
- Your house smells like fried onions.
- When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
- There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
- You make tea in a saucepan.
- You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
- You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
- You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
- Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
- You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
- You hide everything from your parents.
- Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
- You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
- Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
- Everyone is a family friend.
- Everyone always called you for help on homework.
- You study law, medicine or engineering at university.
- You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.
- You know no one who has studied music.
- You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
- You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
- You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
- You like the meat well done.
- You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
- You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
- You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.
- You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
- You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
- You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
- You secure your baggage with a rope.
- You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
- You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
- You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
- You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
- Your Dad drives a Nissan.
- You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.
- (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
- (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
- You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
- When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
- To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
- you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other
- Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
- You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku
- Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son) whether they are PAK or not
- Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
- Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
- Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
- Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids and ur friends
- At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan/bangladesh"
- No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
- ur parents wonder what they r going to tell everyone if you're not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer.
- You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India/Pakistan"

[Blue0space]

thankz a ton. i really enjoyed them.