Self Harm...anybody??

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by anisa22
well, i reckon what snoop said it right.... bang_ali, just because you think miss bored's problems are trivial, doesnt mean they are to her.

you think miss bored is 'immature' for allowing things that happened in her life a long time ago still affect her today. yet you still allow things that happened to you when you were a kid affect you too.... fine, you might not sit there cutting yourself, but you can be one horrible mean person sometimes, and its mainly bcause of things that happened to you a long time ago. you havnt gotten over your problems either.

and its a bit harsh saying that ms bored wont be a good mother because of the way she is affected at the moment. what makes you think you would make a better parent than her, or the right to judge? she cuts herself. you generally cross all borders and verbally abuse people without feeling a damned bit bad about it. now ms bored is only harming herself.... you on the other hand are harming others with the way you behave. but nevertheless, i am sure you will be a good father when the day comes, and i wont pre-judge your parenting skills. neither will i judge ms bored's. i might strike people as a person who will be the ****test mother alive, but hey, as far as i am concerened, my children will be my life and i will be a good mother: nothing is going to affect that and noone else has the right to judge unless i have obviously done something wrong.

what im trying to say is dont trivialise other people's problems. it aint nice. a little bit of sensitivity now and then isnt a bad thing.

[Edited by anisa22 on 5th April 2004 at 17:33]

NO. I'm saying ms bored is immature for the way she normally potrays herself, not because she allows herself to feel upset for the things that happened along time ago. I imagine she will feel upset about whatever it was for many years to come now, she may never fully get over it.

But its how you deal with your problems. Like I said its understandable if she hurt herself when she was a teenager but as you grow up, you have to find other ways of dealing with it. Whatever you do, cutting yourself is not the answer and she herself admits it yet still does it to herself. I wasnt trivialising her problems, I was showing her that no matter how bad you may think your problems are, there is probably someone sat around the corner, on the bus etc who has worse than you to deal with.

Self pity and feeling sorry for yourself is almost harmful as it can stop you from trying to get over it. Also in the back of your mind you will always think to yourself that if ever you failed something, you can blame it on your past.

I'm not saying i'll be a good dad, but i know what not to be like and in a way mine did me a favour. Nobody can make comments about how good a parent they will be, you can only do your best. I'm sure saira (and you of course) will try her best but if she is unstable (ppl who self-harm can be quite unstable) then she will be in an unfit state to raise kids. Raising kids is a pretty hard task and if she has psycological problems than she will be at a disadvantage. And dont say she hasnt got psycological probs, what would you describe cutting your wrist as?

And I am over my past. Its really set me free. I dont feel tied to anywhere or have any responsibilities to anybody. And in a way i almost feel like getting my face broken was a good thing. It slowed me down and caused me to think about myself more. It may have even made me nicer to some people. Its a temporary problem i have and i'll be back to my previous state soon, but will take the new personality with myself. Having my corneas scratched has even made me want to become an optahalmologist when I finish my course so some good has come out of it.

I've not been harsh unfairly to anybody here. The only people I've attacked have been the self-hating bengalis/their paki mates and ms bored for constantly being daft.

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by burns


dude i laugh cos you seem to wanking over your heroics. very unbecoming

and dude ur just being plain mean

I dont think theres anything heroic about having your face re-rranged or your corneas scratched beyond repair (apart from grafting).

And i'm not being mean, just pointing out afew things and telling her to get over it. What do you recommend? We all give ehr a cyber-cuddle and tell her its ok to do whats she's doing?

She needs to know that self-harm has to stop. That its not ok to continue to punish yourself for something that happened years ago. People like you are responsible for people like her never getting over things, you hold them back and tell them its ok to feel sorry for themself.

How about trying to get them to move on?

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by SNOOP_KUTHA
i dont think we can judge a persons parental abilities from what they say here

like i say all sorts of crazy fings here...but ppl who kno me personally say id be a good dad

plus bein a parent tends to change alot of ppl n bring out positive aspects of there character, there nurturing side, the side which acceps responsibilties n prioritise's

there isnt a set method to bein a good parent, as long as u love them, feed them, cloth the, guide them that is enough....being fully devoted doesnt necessarily make u a good parent...it cud jus make u a pain in the arse in the kids eyes

Of course we cant tell who'll be a good parent from the things they say here. We couldn't even say for sure about the people we know in real life.

Being a parent can change people, but it can change you for the worse too. If someone isnt thinking straight in the first place then they'll be placing themself and their would-be kids at risk.

Personally speaking I think you should only have kids when your ready financially/socially/and motionally too.

In my eyes kids are too important to use to see if we can change ourself for the better, I wouldnt recommend having kids to see if you can change, change for the better because its right, because you want to.

Trying to have kids to change your life to me sounds as silly as parents trying to get their ****ed up children to get married hoping it will sort them out. In the end their kids stay ****ed up, its just someone else innocent gets hurt too.

People who have kids for reasons like wanting to change/save their marriage are only making things worse and are totally selfish.

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by Ms-Bored

I understand where Bang_ali is coming is from, he just thinks that im looking for sympathy and to be honest i dont know what i was looking for.. maybe i wanted ppl to tell me not to do it anymore cos i thrive on guilt and sympathy.

Ms. Bored
x x x x x

I know what your looking for saira, thats why i thought I should come and be harsh and straight to the point coz everyone else gave you what you wanted- they felt sorry for you which probably made you feel good for a short time.

How long did that last? Afew hours at the most but then reality kicks in again. Your not too rare, Ive met girls like you enough times and its sad.

Theyve gone through all their life with people feeling sorry for themself. People around them feel sorry for them and make them feel like its ok to be the victim.

They then become the victim and it feels comfortable for them. They then go about and vitcimise themself even more, why? - because in their minds thats what they have become(victims).

This becomes like a vicious cycle and the longer it goes on for, the harder it gets to break free. What you need is to be told to stop it and to get your life sorted.

Unfortunately in life what we have are people who mean well, they have good intentions and that but they cause more harm by feeling sorry for you and molly-cuddling you.

I'm sure you'll get plenty of cyber-cuddles here so I'll leave that to the bleeding hearts while telling you what you really NEED to hear, not what you WANT to hear.