Muhram ' Dahabi - ...? (marriage stuff)

[Ms-Bored]

Hello Peeps, i would like to know, if Muhram ' Dahabi (i think thats how u pronounce it) is it part of the religion or part of the culture!?

I only hear this from sylhetis when they get married, it doesnt happen in CTG weddings and until the girl on her wedding night doesnt say "yes" the man cant touch her??!! (yeah bollex still happens no matter what)!

I know that on the Hamin during the Nika stages ur meant to say and give x amount of money or property for the girl to spend how she wishes...

...and if she requests a divorce isnt entiled to that money and if the husband divorces her is suppose to give what he stated on the hamin during Nika time... most of the time this doesnt happen...

...but i would like to know if Muhram Dahabi is part of ISLAM cos i have arabic friends and they dont know what i was going on about??!! :?

if it is part of the Reglion - can anyone fully justify this with resources of information??

Ms. Bored
x x x x x

[Amar-Sonar-Bangla]

I¡¯m a Syheti and I¡¯ve never heard of ¡®Muhram ' Dahabi¡¯. Pre-marital sex is regarded as a big no-no in almost every major religion from Christianity to Hinduism to Islam. It definitely sounds cultural, if you're right about the practice, of course.

Originally posted by Ms-Bored


it doesnt happen in CTG weddings and until the girl on her wedding night doesnt say "yes" the man cant touch her??!! (yeah bollex still happens no matter what)!

Some blokes at my mosque seem to think that in Islam, the husband has certain inalienable rights over his wife. One of these rights being the right for his carnal desires to be sated. So much so that according to hadith, wives are instructed to break their voluntary fast, if approached for intercourse by their husband. Else fall prey to the curse of angels.

Apparantly, if the wife declines to engage in intercourse on a regular basis, it is a valid reason for an Islamic divorce or Talaq. So the wifes consent is not necessary. Consent is presumed by virtue of the marital relationship. There seems to be no concept of marital rape in Islamic law,as was established under English law in the House of Lords case of R v R (1991).

[Star]

Originally posted by Ms-Bored
Hello Peeps, i would like to know, if Muhram ' Dahabi (i think thats how u pronounce it) is it part of the religion or part of the culture!?

I only hear this from sylhetis when they get married, it doesnt happen in CTG weddings and until the girl on her wedding night doesnt say "yes" the man cant touch her??!! (yeah bollex still happens no matter what)!

I know that on the Hamin during the Nika stages ur meant to say and give x amount of money or property for the girl to spend how she wishes...

...and if she requests a divorce isnt entiled to that money and if the husband divorces her is suppose to give what he stated on the hamin during Nika time... most of the time this doesnt happen...

...but i would like to know if Muhram Dahabi is part of ISLAM cos i have arabic friends and they dont know what i was going on about??!! :?

if it is part of the Reglion - can anyone fully justify this with resources of information??

Ms. Bored
x x x x x

i think u're getting ure terminology mixed up..

I might be wrong but i think u're talkin bout Mahr??

and by Muhram Dahabi - u mean Mohorana Dhabi ie claming mahr - which is the gift given by the husband to the wife upon marriage.. and that can be a deferred payment although a clear time should be set for when this payment will be completed.


And by Hamin - u prob mean Kabin? which is in essence the marriage contract (i believe?) - where such conditions are outlined.. I think it does become a lil messed up in Bangla culture - because many ppl believe that it's an amount due when the couple divorce - when the Mahr in itself is the gift given to the wife upon marriage and is not linked to divorce (tho i guess if they divorce then any payment deferred originally becomes immediately due - but i mite be mistaken here)


But if that's the case - then use the word "mahr" with your Arabic friends and they'll know what u're on about.



As for differences in Sylheti and Non-Sylheti practises - I think that Non-Sylhetis tend to offer a nominal amount say £100 or something of that scale as Mahr (which is why it probably doesn't get discussed much in your own family cirles)...

whereas in Sylheti culture they talk of much bigger figures, maybe £1000's or maybe property as you say - but at the same time they make it into something that is owed to the girl, and mistakenly believe that it is only due if they divorce, whereas in reality i think it is a promise from the guy to offer that amount to his wife at a future point in time, irrespective (unless she latterly excuses him of his obligation).

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by Star

As for differences in Sylheti and Non-Sylheti practises - I think that Non-Sylhetis tend to offer a nominal amount say £100 or something of that scale as Mahr (which is why it probably doesn't get discussed much in your own family cirles)...

whereas in Sylheti culture they talk of much bigger figures, maybe £1000's or maybe property as you say - but at the same time they make it into something that is owed to the girl, and mistakenly believe that it is only due if they divorce, whereas in reality i think it is a promise from the guy to offer that amount to his wife at a future point in time, irrespective (unless she latterly excuses him of his obligation).

£100 ??? only. Weddings I've been to its more like £10,000

A wedding I went to last year the mahr was £7,000 but the average is about £6,000 in my experience. Personally I wouldnt give more than a £1000

[anisa22]

i heard you're sposed to give an amount that is realistic, and not make promises of giving £10K when you blatantly cant afford it.

hence, when my sis got married, an amount that was realistic was given..... mainly cos her in-laws are religious and wanted to do it properly.

then the mesaab made some big speech about how people who pledge to give £10,0000 in the khabin and never pay a penny are disgraces, and that they should hand over an amount they could afford on the marriage! and yeah, it is sposed to be handed over on the day of the nikaah, not on the day of the divorce!

[Bang_Ali]

Originally posted by anisa22
i heard you're sposed to give an amount that is realistic, and not make promises of giving £10K when you blatantly cant afford it.

hence, when my sis got married, an amount that was realistic was given..... mainly cos her in-laws are religious and wanted to do it properly.

then the mesaab made some big speech about how people who pledge to give £10,0000 in the khabin and never pay a penny are disgraces, and that they should hand over an amount they could afford on the marriage! and yeah, it is sposed to be handed over on the day of the nikaah, not on the day of the divorce!

Thats vey true. The weddings Ive been to have always had the money paid (cash/cheque) into a bank account on the wedding day. Because the woman is free to do what ever she likes with the money, including giving it back to the husband if she wishes, they usually both agree to use it as part of a deposit when buying a house etc.

As far as Islam is concerned if you dont pay the woman the money then you are infact in debt to her and liable to get punished on judgement day.

Thats why I reckon a thousand quid is a nice round and manageable number. I dont blame it all on the grooms side though, thesedays brides' families do ask for ridiculous amounts.

So guys, youve been warned.

[Ms-Bored]

for my Mahr... my family asked for £12K

£5K upfront in cash...

and £7K would go towards the gold (not that i wear that much.. i've asked Saeed to give me uncommon unique simple stuff). and towards wedding clothes aswell!!

i asked for black lengha (skirt and blouse) but somehow i think they wont get them lol!!

to be honest im not bothered about money i've got plenty of it and plus im working so i can support myself!!

his mother my ma in law has also give me land registered in my name back in bd i mean what am i gonna do with that??

i've got me own house in UK thats worth over 160K!!! not too sound too much up my arse!!

Ms. Bored
x x x x x