virginity

[Ms-Bored]

Oh my God mahbuba, i have just read ur reply and its as if thats my story, that too happend to me in the years 1986/1987/1988 aged about 6/7/8 it happend in bdesh, i didnt tell my parents because i was shy and then the whole world would know!

he made me wank him on few occasions and take to the staff quarters and do things to me! i was like really shy and a foreigner in bdesh cos i'm really light skinned ppl used to stare at me and i didnt like that so hence i was shy.

many years latter that experience did effect me i tried to comtemplate suicide on few occations and cut myself with a blade, i braved and told my mum when i was like 14 she said it didnt happen so nothing more was said about it!!

i had no friends that i could talk to about it, i did have a male friend ... my best friend i fancied him but didnt tell him and he helped me until he got married then i kept my distant.

looking back i say it wasnt my fault and i hope Allah will forgive me cos i was abused and not raped... and that bastard a distant cousin go to hell im sure i wasnt the only victim of his!!

so Mahbuba thank you for pointing that out and ur not the only im sure THIS SHOULDNT HAPPEN TO ANYONE AT ALL!

Anyway i've learned to live with it but i have to admit i was fcked in the head more and was psychologically disturbed and thats why im like this! its who i am today and if and whn i have kids i will be over protective!

[Mahbuba]

Hey, Star, don't worry. Keep your anger in control because Allah is the only to judge them, not you, not I, or anyone else. I didn't post this thread for sympathy or anything. I just post it because I wanted everyone else's opinion about my non-fiction story. It was very kind of you to react like a way that any caring brother would react towards innocent girls.

Marawak_3, to tell you the truth, I don't recall at what age I broke my virginity. I feel so sad that I never got to actually feel it with someone I love. When I was 12 years old, I found out that women had to bleed after the lose their virginity. I don't remember bleeding. The people who did that to me, are very smart, because they took me to the weirdest places that no one will be able to hear me, not even my parents. They took me to places such as the jungle, when my parents weren't home they took me to the back of the masjid (Mosque)!!!!! They took me on top of a condomeneum, on the roof where no one will be able to hear me either.
I understand what you are saying about when the hymen breaks, I will bleed, but I don't remember when my hymen broke and when I bleeded to death, and how they cleaned me up. And, it's already over, I can't do anything about it.
What kind of physical trauma are you talking about which will be there? My family members are very traditional and religious. If they hear anything about women's private part, sex, or anything that has to do with sex, they will not believe, because they were raised up in that kind of tradition. They do not think the way you and I think. Their thoughts were different from ours, because they were uneducated about the facts of sexual nature. They only knew how to have sex under the sheets after getting married; that's all. Before marage is a sin and everyone knows it. Hence, I can't do anything about and they will not believe me.

Rini, yes I am looking on to the future because my boyfriend had changed me and the way of my thinking. Also, the Qu'ran has changed me as well.

Bang_Ali, you are not the only one. I recall when I was at my teenage years, I used to have an Arabic teacher, who professes you about the Qu'ran and praying. Someone had told me that he had abused a little girl. I was so shocked that I haven't spoken to him since then. Also, everytime I spoke to him, I just felt weird.
I seldom do not get along with my mother and my father at the same time because they just left me anywhere around the house alone with others (you know who). Because, they didn't know what the outcome will be. I still love my mother and my father the same way even if I don't get along with them sometimes. And, I know deep in their heart they love me too. So, I don't want to say anything about my mother and how I feel about her, it's too deep. I wrote an essay about her in my composition 1 class in college. My professor gave me an A for it, because she said that I brought her into tears.
And, thank you.

Ms-Bored, nice screen name =0). OMG I am so glad I opened this thread. I am so sorry this happened to you Ms-B. Why did you do it? I know I did it because I was forced and I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe that's your answer as well. OMG me tooo!!! I was very shy toooo. Everyone used to call me a white/chinese girl because I was very light skin.
Ms-B who are you? Do you know me or something? God! Like, you are telling my story. I tried killing myself too, because I thought no Bengali-Muslim guy will ever marry me because I am not a virgin. I thought that a Bengali guy will marry me and as soon as he found out I wasn't a virgin, he would leave me. Sometimes, I thought I was worthless, because I thought that I am 5 feet 11 inches tall, no way will I find a Bengali guy tall as me; but my luck I did.

That's right Ms.B. If anyone has kids now or later on, they should be very careful parents or parent. =0) I'm glad we had this conversation. It makes me feel so much better that, some Bengalis out there like Star, Khilari, ASB, Rini, and so on except Kamran ( i hope he is joking about me) are very good people. And, may Allah grant you heaven, some day.

[Khilari]

Originally posted by Marawak_3
No disrespect Mahbuba, and I'm not calling you a liar, I wouldn't wish what happened to you on anyone. But......

A 6,7,8 year old girl is not ready for things like sex. The pain that would ensue such a situation should have been unbearable and visible to others.

A lot of people have said that the elders would never have believed you.....I think thats bullsh*t....everybody knows that when a woman first has sex, her hymen breaks and she bleeds considerably heavily......definitely way too heavy for any young girl to cover up. Also, the signs of physical trauma would be there, so they would have no choice but to believe you.

er... whats the matter with you man?

Sexual Abuse in children occurs. It is not detected because a lot of the time the child being abused thinks it is a "secret" or a "game" being played with the man as s/he has no idea about sex.

It is often not detected because at that age, children often have more privacy eg going to the loo, and so "injuries" or even bleeding are not obvious.

Hymen bleeding can be a lot or hardly anything.

It's not really for us to judge whether Mahbuba's story true or not.

But picture it this way:
-if it is fake then believing her does no-one any harm
-if it is true, then making comments such as the ones you have made are really insensitive and nasty.

Also, ever heard of giving a brother/sister the benefit of the doubt?

You seem less like the Marawak of before...

[Khilari]

[quote]Originally posted by Star

Originally posted by KaMrAn1

i cant believe some of u guys actually missed Kamran?? i dont know whether he's juz immature or if he's just plain nasty - or tries too hard to be funny - but some of his posts on this place are just plain sick and insensitive

hes just a tw@t. he cant even make 'friends' on the internet thanks to his fob personality

im sure he has loads of mates in 'real' life. once they get off the boat too.

[KaMrAn1]

Originally posted by Mahbuba
Sweetiepie83, you are a very strong woman! Hopefully there are more Bengali mothers like you, but there aren't.

Aga_kha, when I read the English Qu'ran, I learn knew things everyday that the Arabic Qu'ran didn't allow me to understand that there is something called "forgiving even if it is the worst". And, Sweetiepie83 might not agree with me on that part, since she wants pay back =0). I was like her as well but I thought that it will not give me my virginity back, that's all. Also, I don't talk to the same cousins because they are in Bangladesh and I am here in New York. When I went to Bangladesh, I just felt uncomfortable, that's all, and didn't speak with them either. OMG, you should be careful next time, and not use that allyway someway or the other. Walk with a friend and don't walk alone.

LOL Safiah, you still remember me telling you that my brother beat me up? Well, my brother picks on the weaker. I am not good at fighting, but I do fight back for self-defense. One day I was so angry that I told my boyfriend to beat up my brother and he said that he will do it with a passion, but then I told him "forget it, it will cause more harm to my parents and I, in one way or the other, since my brother brain washes my parents sometimes and they fall for it.

Well, Kiya; I don't know if they changed or not. I know my Dad's older brother's son (one of the abuser) is going to go to Medical School in England. And, the other one is my mother's sister's son who has his bachelor's of arts but he is an unemployed entreprenuer, so I had heard. Also, the two servants who did it was from my house in Sylhet and the neighbor's house in Sylhet; I have no idea where they are; last thing I heard was one of them stole my Dad's sandles and ran away. Also, there was this driver for our car, he used to do things with me, I don't know what I would call it, but one thing is "it's with his fingers and my private part", how sickening. Another one is my "fufa/pupa" (my Dad's sister's husband) who had fingered me in the dark when I was 7. I only told my boyfriend and my cousin (her father who did it) and she said her father did something like that to her as well. I was like "Whaaa?"
My mom thought I was nuts. She told the counselor in front of my face that the boys were my age, but they were 10-15 years older than I. It's not my mom's fault because she was in shock. Maybe she didn't know how to react to this kind of a problem.
I can't speak out Kiya. I know there are other little girls are being abused, but I'm not at the right class to protect them, not as of yet. Some of my best friends and I are thinking about opening up an organization for women and abusing. And, the friends who will help me out are "men". My women friends will not help me out because they don't want to show their face in the Bengali society.
I can't open my mouth, not as of yet. It will bring corruption in my family and my family comes first before anything else.

Aww, Star I wish I had a brother like you. Once, I told my brother that I was abused when I was little. Few days later we got into an argument and he said in anger, "you "F...in" "B...h", you are a "s..ut". The next day I told him that whatever I told him the other day was to test him if he was going to appreciate me as a sister or not and you had proved that you don't consider me as your sister. Then, I told him that whatever I told you was a lie because I wanted to test you. I'm afraid to tell a lot of people.

I told my "female" cousins, because the male ones are wayyyy younger than I. Now, that I don't talk to one of the female cousins, and she hates me with passion for some reason, I have no idea what. I'm afraid she might try to blackmail me with my past.

I was a stupid girl for telling anyone who was nice to me.

Sweetsista, my boyfriend hasn't laid one hand on me yet, except to kiss me or hug me. It is truely my brother who has beaten me up. Why wouldn't you believe that it was my brother. He is merely 3 years younger than me, at the age of 20, now. He is mature enough to know what's right from wrong.
I don't want to say it's my boyfriend???? You are mistaken. Why are you keep on blaming my boyfriend on the fact that who beat me up and who didn't. If I say it's my brother, it is him. My boyfriend lives 1000 miles away from me, how in the world is he going to beat me up? Sweety, are you okay or are you on something?
I'm not on denial!
I don't know who gave the idea that it was my boyfriend who hit me, when it wasn't. My boyfriend is the sweetest thing that ever happened to me; very understanding, and he knows about my past, and loves me no matter what. Are you still in unbelief?

True anisa22. Trust me it bothers me sometimes once in a blue moon and only person to help me out to get rid of it are my best friends including my boyfriend.

LOL ASB, you are funny about many kind of prisons.

Thnx, Khilari.

And, thnx for understanding Aroma.

Kamran1, you can think whatever you like, but Allah only knows if I am telling the truth or not. I asked others if they were virgins or not, if they wanted to answer it or not. It's okay if you don't want to answer that if you are a virgin or not. I said it all because it was the truth. What did you expect me to say? That I am not a virgin because I chose not to be? lol! If I was 7, then these guys were 10-15 years older than I. Of course, you loved it Kamran, but one guys were sticking their pen1s' which was not meant for me inside my vagina, I DIDN'T LIKE IT, simple as that.
You may think this is a joke, but if it happens to one of your family members like your sister, daughter, or one of your female or even male members of the family, you will not have time for jokes, but anger, instead.
If I want more of what, Kamran? You are sick! Have you seen a psychologist yet?

Listen i said u could b a fake coz we hav so many idiots ere, so i dont know who 2 trust. For example sexythong his a guy but pretendin 2b a gal. I neva said its funny so wot r u on about?
If u use ur eyes probably u would see that i said"they should be locked up coz they r sick"
Why r u sayin im a sick, like u, i wanna share my story wit u. Its alrite 4 u 2 say ur story but not mine. I tink was 5 or 6 wen those older women allowd me2 touch them so its not my fault, those women r sick but i hav 2 admit i liked it. I dont need 2 seee a psychologist i tink u do coz u da 1 got 8787uii7676xcvsadsa

[Edited by KaMrAn1 on 9th December 2003 at 07:56]

[KaMrAn1]

[quote]Originally posted by Star

Originally posted by KaMrAn1

i cant believe some of u guys actually missed Kamran?? i dont know whether he's juz immature or if he's just plain nasty - or tries too hard to be funny - but some of his posts on this place are just plain sick and insensitive

yea yea wotever, im fed up of ur double standards. U always pick on me, others here r more worse than me and e.g sexythong that idiot advertisin 4 sex n being rude n offensive but u aint sayin anyfink 2 him. Why r u scared? i am not da only ere sayin that, others ere sayin she could b a fake, wots wrong of askin questions?
If u tink ur a good muslim why r u usin rude language, u called me a scum, i didnt say anyfink about u. How do u know mahbuba is a real person? I want apology from u and change ur post.

[Edited by KaMrAn1 on 9th December 2003 at 08:09]

[Star]

[quote]Originally posted by KaMrAn1

Originally posted by Star

yea yea wotever, im fed up of ur double standards. U always pick on me, others here r more worse than me and e.g sexythong that idiot advertisin 4 sex n being rude n offensive but u aint sayin anyfink 2 him. Why r u scared? i am not da only ere sayin that, others ere sayin she could b a fake, wots wrong of askin questions?
If u tink ur a good muslim why r u usin rude language, u called me a scum, i didnt say anyfink about u. How do u know mahbuba is a real person? I want apology from u and change ur post.

[Edited by KaMrAn1 on 9th December 2003 at 08:09]

where have i even said or implied that i thought i was a good muslim or that you were otherwise?

i didnt call u scum i called the sorta guys who do this scum.

i'm not pickin on u for the language you adopted - i didn't threaten nor edit anything you said - i only commented on the sorta things you said - in that you were trivialising and joking about child abuse - making it appear as tho it's something you can enjoy?


how do i know you are real? you'll answer that i don't rite? so then there's nothing for you to say... coz ure not there r u