English, a crazy language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Suhanaa]

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now i know why i flunked my english. It's not my fault but the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going







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.............KeWl thy name iS 'ANNA'................

[Suhanaa]

The School Masters Speech!

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day. Here's his dynamite speech :

"Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children! This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason.

Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected,but at last with great difficulty she gave birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can become great laiars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day you will become great phools.

Many vacancy job come in newspapers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise. If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished.



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.............KeWl thy name iS 'ANNA'................

[Suhanaa]

Tongue Twisters...

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?



Betty Botter had some butter,But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter,it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-that would make my batter better." So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, And she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.



A big black bug bit a big black bear,made the big black bear bleed blood.



The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.



She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely seashells. So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.



Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.



A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.



Which wris****ches are Swiss wris****ches?



Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.



A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern, And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten bittern, Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"



Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See,Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!



How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck,he would,as much as he could,and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.



Which witch wished which wicked wish?



Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;sheep should sleep in a sack.




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.............KeWl thy name iS 'ANNA'................

[Fox]

My sis is on a role... she's full of knowledge.

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¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> Cool, thy name is Foxy <-.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸

[Suhanaa]

hee hee hers more...

The Perfect Couple

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the roadside in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer.)

The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man...(Women, dont read the next part.!!!! Men, keep scrolling.)

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. So then, one can safely conclude that the concept of a perfect woman is a perfect myth!! (by the way if you are a woman, and you are reading this...this brings up another point....women never listen either.......)



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.............KeWl thy name iS 'ANNA'................

[Fox]

See, like I said, she's on a role...

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¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.-> Cool, thy name is Foxy <-.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸

[Qim]

HAY SUHANA! NO MORE MORE PLEASE... I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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