JOKES FOR FUN

[LoveBird]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.





The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and be ing a little concerned,


asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.





'Breast-fed,' she replied.





'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.





She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.





Motioning to he r to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight.





You don't have any milk.
'I know,' she said,
'I'm his Grandma,

but I'm glad I came.'

[LoveBird]

Scottish Style"

Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one
night and finds himself a prostitute. He asks her,
"How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?"

"£100," she replies.

So he asks, "Okay, do yee do Scottish style?"

She says "No!"

He then asks her, "I'll pay you £200 to do it Scottish
style?"

She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style
was!

So he then offers her £300. Again she declines
his offer.

So finally he says, "I'll give yee £500 to go Scottish
style with me!"

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the
game for over 10 years now, I've been there and
done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's
from every corner of the world. How bad could
Scottish style be?"

So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing
it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several intense hours they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That
was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I
was expecting something perverted and disgusting.
Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?"

The Scotsman replies... "I'll pay ye next week."

[LoveBird]

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from t he Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at t he roa d, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!'


Smile, it will make your day go faster.

[LoveBird]

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddy bikers who worked as aircraft mechanics in Dallas, TX.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar
with nothing to do. Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing. Then the phone rings.

It's Jim.

Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Bud says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'

'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver.'

[LoveBird]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and the n walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box,
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'