JOKES FOR FUN

[LoveBird]

For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One morning, I noticed he had left a note to himself on the kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!"

As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post office and put them on the counter before going to work.

The next morning, I found the same note. The word "STAMPS!" was crossed out. Underneath it, he had written, "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

[LoveBird]

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her
cleavage.
She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?"
"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.
"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"

[LoveBird]

"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?"
"I used two fingers."
"What for?"
"I needed a second opinion."

[LoveBird]

This guy arrived at his house after one hell of a
party with his friends, and was very drunk. He took
his keys out of his pocket and tried his best to
unlock the door. After about half an hour his wife
opened the window and shouted: "You stupid drunk,
those are the car keys!"

"Oh ****," he said. "I nearly started the house!"

[LoveBird]

10 Reasons Computers are Better than Girlfriends
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10 Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Girlfriends

1. You wouldn't bother to play Strip Poker all night with a girlfriend.
2. No girlfriend can hold your undivided attention for 30 hours in a stretch.
3. Your computer never wants to be taken out for dinner.
4. Your computer doesn't mind if you are unshaved, haven't showered this week or are sitting by it in your underwear.
5. If a computer gets a virus, it can be cleaned away.
6. No matter how ugly your computer is, you can show it to your friends.
7. With a computer, you can press the buttons without it getting sore.
8. A computer doesn't mind you using other computers as well.
9. You will never find your computer in bed with your best friend.
10. Computers never, EVER gets a period.

[LoveBird]

Want to read more jokes?
See Open Board.

[LoveBird]

What a shot!
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Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.

Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."