JOKES FOR FUN

[Anita]

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
>Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
>For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a Greek man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.....one button at a time.
>
>......No one moves.
>......He removes his shirt.
>......Muscles ripple across his chest.
>......She ga! sps .........he whispers: ......"Iron this."
>
>

[Anita]

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board,
>bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver
>fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time.
>He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish
>lorry driver pulls over. "Where they going?" asks the Irish chap.
>
>"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver,
>"and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
>
>"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and
>gets on his way. The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is
>there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down
>the motorway, still with all the chimps on board.Panicking, he flags him
>down again.
>
>"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester
>Zoo!"
>
>"I did," says the bemused Irish fella, " ... but there is still fifty quid
>left so now we're going to Alton Towers."

[Anita]

Dont ask for a divorce whilst driving
>
>A married couple are driving along a motorway doing
>60MPH, the husband behind the wheel.
>
>His wife suddenly looks over at him and says, Honey, I
>know we've been
>married for twenty years, but I want a divorce"
>
>The husband says nothing but slowly increases his
>speed to 70MPH.
>
>She then says, "I don't want you to try and talk me
>out of it, because I've
>been having an affair with your best friend, and he's
>a lot better at sex than you."
>
>Again the husband stays quiet but speeds up more as
>his anger increases.
>
>"I want the house," she insists, pushing her luck.
>
>Again the husband speeds up, now to 80MPH.
>
>She says "I want the car too!" but he just keeps
>driving faster and faster.
>
>By now he's up to 90MPH. "And I want the bank accounts
>and all the credit cards"
>
>The husband starts to veer towards the central
>reservation.
>
>This makes her a little nervous so she asks nervously
>
>"Isn't there anything you want dear?"
>
>The husband replies "No, I've got everything I need
>darling"
>
>Oh really," she says, "so what have you got?"
>
>Just before they smash into the central reservation at
>100MPH,
>
>the husband smiles and says........
>...
>...
>...
>...
>...
>...
>....
>.................."The f*cking airbag!"
>
>

[Anita]

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was getting more and more
>despondent over the recent death of her husband, Cecil.
>She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in
>death.
>
>Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she
>took out Cecil's Old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in
>the heart, since it was so badly broken anyway.
>
>Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and
>burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just
>exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
>
>The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left
>breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the local hospital with
>a gunshot wound to her knee.

[Anita]

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two pathetic men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate, and asked,
"Why areyou eating grass?" "We don't have no money for food," the first man

replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer. "But,
sir, I got a wife and three kids here." "Bring them along!" replied the
lawyer. "But how 'bout m' friend?" The lawyer turned to the other man and
said, "You come with us, too."
"But, sir, I got a wife and six kids!" "Bring them as well!" answered the
lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, and once
underway, one of the poor fellows says: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you
for taking all of
us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.! You'll love my place.
The grass is almost a foot tall.

[SYLETHY_PRIYA]

Those jokes are pretty good.

[LoveBird]

Little Billy, and his grandfather entered the vacation cabin, and kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

Still, a few fireflies followed them in.

Noticing them before his grandfather did, Little Billy
whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights...."