JOKES FOR FUN

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How to Sell Everything
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One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"

The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."

So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."

"Why is that?"

"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.

"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?"

"Rake? What do I need that for?"

"Well sir," said the supervisor authoritatively, "if you don't rake up the old dead grass before you spread the fertiliser, it won't all reach the soil."

"All right then. I'll get the stiff rake."

"Very good sir. And would you like the fixed sprinkler or the oscillating sprinkler with that?"

The man started to get a bit steamed and asked harshly, "Sprinkler? Look, I just came in here for some fertiliser. What do I need a sprinkler for?" Calmly, the supervisor responded, "Well sir, if you water your lawn immediately after fertilising, the fertiliser will sink into the soil more quickly and in no time at all, you'll have the greenest lawn in your neighbourhood."

This sounded pretty good to the man so he picked up the fixed sprinkler. "OK, then. I'll take all this."

"Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that," asked the supervisor.

Now the customer had about had it and he all but blew up at the supervisor. "LAWNMOWER? Look, all I wanted when I came here was a bag of fertiliser. You've already managed to sell me a rake and a sprinkler besides. Give me one good reason why I should get a lawnmower, too!"

Calm as ever, the supervisor said, "Well sir, if you get a lawnmower now, then you'll be all ready to start trimming your beautiful green grass the minute it starts getting too long. Your lawn will look like a golf course and you'll be the envy of all your neighbours! Besides, they are on sale this week only, and you're going to need it either way."

Well, the man figured that sounded OK and he really wanted to get out of there before he bought anything else so at last he relented. "Fine. I'll get the electric mower, but that's it!"

"Very good sir. I'll ring that up for you."

After the man had left the store with all his new purchases, the supervisor turned to the trainee and said, "So, do you think you could do that?" The trainee said that he thought he could and the supervisor directed him towards another customer.

The trainee approached the puzzled-looking man and asked, "May I help you sir?"

The man replied, "Yes. I need some tampons for my wife." Well, the trainee is totally thrown off by this request. He can't imagine what he could offer the man to go along with that. However, he wanted to impress his boss so he thought hard. Suddenly, he had it! "Very good sir. And would you like the electric or gas mower with that?"

"Mower? What the hell is wrong with you? I came in here looking for tampons. Why the hell should I get a lawnmower, too?"

"Well sir," the trainee answered, "I figure your weekend is shot, so you might as well cut the grass."

[LoveBird]

Frozen Turkeys

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

[LoveBird]

Visit Open Board for more jokes.

[LoveBird]

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a
90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's
house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered...

"I thought he was dead!"

[LoveBird]

A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea.

The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson.

Lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.

The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine.

But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

[LoveBird]

Grass Eater
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"