Comparision of life

[sylhet]

Peace be upon those who follow true guidance.

Hey people here are some jokes sent to me by many people and i owuld like to share with you.
enjoy
The family picture is on His desk - Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
>>The family picture is on Her desk - Um, her family will come before her
>>career.
>>
>>His desk is cluttered - He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
>>Her desk is cluttered - She's obviously a disorganized scatterbrain.
>>
>>He is talking with his coworkers - He must be discussing the latest deal.
>>She is talking with her coworkers - She must be gossiping.
>>
>>He's not in the office - He's meeting a customer.
>>She's not in the office - She must be out shopping.
>>
>>He's having lunch with the boss - He's on his way up.
>>She's having lunch with the boss - They must be having an affair.
>>
>>The boss criticized Him - He'll improve his performance.
>>The boss criticized Her - She'll be very upset.
>>
>>He got an unfair deal - Did he get angry?
>>She got an unfair deal - Did she cry?
>>
>>He's getting married - He'll get more settled.
>>She's getting married - She'll get pregnant and leave.
>>
>>He's having a baby - He'll need a raise.
>>She's having a baby - She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
>>
>>He's going on a business trip - It's good for his career.
>>She's going on a business trip - What does her husband say?
>>
>>He's leaving for a better job - He knows how to recognize a good
>>opportunity.
>>She's leaving for a better job - Women are not dependable.
>>

[sylhet]

> >>>>Due to the new "drive-thru" cash-machines, following procedures have
> >>>>been
> >>>>drawn up:
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>>>Male procedures.
> >>>>================
> >>>>1.Drive up to the cash machine
> >>>>2.Lower the car window
> >>>>3.Insert card into machine and enter PIN
> >>>>4.Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
> >>>>5.Retrieve card, cash and receipt
> >>>>6.Raise window
> >>>>7.Drive off
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Female procedures.
> >>>>==================
> >>>>1.Drive up to the cash machine
> >>>>2.Reverse back to align car window to the machine
> >>>>3.Restart the stalled engine
> >>>>4.Lower the window
> >>>>5.Find handbag, empty contents on to passenger seat and locate card
> >>>>6.Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear-view mirror
> >>>>7.Replace contents of the handbag
> >>>>8.Attempt to insert card into machine
> >>>>9.Open car door to reach machine due to excessive distance from car
> >>>>10.Insert card
> >>>>11.Re-insert card the right way up
> >>>>12.Re-enter handbag to locate diary with PIN on inside back page
> >>>>13.Enter PIN
> >>>>14.Press cancel and re-enter the correct PIN
> >>>>15.Enter amount of cash required
> >>>>16.Re-check make-up in rear-view mirror
> >>>>17.Retrieve cash and receipt
> >>>>18.Empty handbag again, locate purse, place cash and receipt inside
> >>>>19.Drive forward two metres
> >>>>20.Reverse back to cash machine
> >>>>21.Retrieve card
> >>>>22.Re-empty handbag, locate card-holder, place card in slot provided
> >>>>23.Re-check make-up before attempting to move off again
> >>>>24.Restart stalled engine and pull away
> >>>>25.Drive for three to four miles
> >>>>26.Release hand-brake
> >>>>
> >>>>Well done...YOU DID IT.......

[sylhet]

Due to the new "drive-thru" cash-machines, the following
updated procedures have
been
drawn up for males.
===================
1.Drive up to the cash machine
2.Make sure everyones seen your BMW by turning the
Bollywood music up even louder
3.Wind down the tinted window and wolf whistle at the first
kuri you see walking by (even someones fat auntie, oops!)
4.Flick out your scratched up card from the glove
compartment with mcdonalds fish and sauces all over it
and insert it into the machine
5.Call your mummy on your latest of the latest mobile phone
and say 'roti pakao mein aa riyan'
6.Now enter your pin whilst still on the phone discussing
the saalun thats cooked
7.Withdraw enough cash to cover petrol costs for tomorrow's
cruising, wolf whistling, dum duma dum blasting
8.Collect cash, receipt and card whilst still on the
phone-now to your mate sat next to you in your car
9.Check again that everyones seen you and wind up your
window before driving off with a tyre spin
10.Get to the end of the road before turning your dum duma
dum down a bit, hanging up the phone to your mate beside
you and returning back to 'check that kuri out man'