Arranged marriages or love marriages?

[Music]

Hi u all,
what's up? O.K, I have a question to u all.Do you think marriages should be arranged by parents, or it should be by falling in love with someone?
This thing really gives me a big trouble. all american ppl always asks me about the custom of marriage in BD,and gets astonished.my friend was telling me,"so u mean ur parens will make u marry someone,like someone rich or something? what happens if u want to marry a poor ?" I said it doesn't matter of rich or poor.But u know i can't defense myself much longer, cuz i don't have anything to say.
Help me out!

[Khondker_Islam]

Marriage is a big decision for everybody.It really does not matter if it is arranged by your parents or you. Because it is you who make the final decision.Young people can make mistakes. They are blinded by thier love and sometimes prematurity.But parents are experienced in practical matter. So to arrange a marriage they look for almost everything. Compatibility,education, religion, earning, relationship between the family, family status,appearance and others.They try to match all to get a perfect match for their children.So is it not better to let them do thier part? Let them have the headache for selecting someone.You make the final decision.
But if you love someone that's a different story!

[Fary]

You know, maybe you should tell your American friends that they may marry the person they love, but they STILL have the one of the highest divorce rates in the world...
That should be an interesting comeback.

As for what's better, love marrige or arranged.....who is to say? It all boils down to the individuals who get married.... even an arranged marriage can blossom into pure unconditional love.....and a love marriage can just as easily turn sour.....

It's your life, and most importantly, YOUR DECISION.

[galib]

Here are my two cents :-)

The nature of arranged marriages in BD has changed over the years, especially among the urban middle class. It is rare that one marries without knowing or seeing the other at all. Among this group, primarily people get married in the following ways.

1. A couple knows each other and are in love. They express their intentions to their parents (or elders) who follow up with the formalities. So, you can call it a marriage for love with parental blessing.

2. A couple knows each other and are in love, but for various circumstances they cannot get the parental blessing. They elope and marry anyway. Again, marriage for love.

3. Parents or others introduce a couple. The couple gets to know each other and fall in love. They eventually marry. Sort of arranged falling in love and getting married.

4. Parents or others introduce a couple (assuming they've already researched compatibility). The couple tries to learn about each other and if they like each other they get married. Although in this situation they often don't know each other for a long time, they do get a general idea of what to expect. I'm not sure if you can call this marriage for love, but it certainly isn't a blind date.

5. Parents or guardians arrange everything and the couple just agree. This is definitely not marriage for love, but that is not to say that they don't fall in love after marriage.

The last category is perhaps rare in middle class urban population, but more prevalent in the villages.

Now, which one is best? No one knows. In America and the West in general, the rates of divorce are very high compared to BD and other Asian cultures. This may suggest that the Western system is bad. On the other hand, do Asian marriages last longer because of a better system? Or is it because in those cultures the women have less opportunities to end the marriage? Or is it because in Asian cultures marriages are expected to last longer and this expectation make couples work harder at staying together?

Some have suggested that in the West a couple knows so much about each other that after marriage there's not much to learn new about the partner. Often the new characteristic one learns are the negative stuff that eventually lead to a divorce. And that the Asian people begin with little knowledge and it takes several years to know the partner. By that time they've accepted their fate, are accustomed to their relationship, and have kids they don't want to raise separately. So they just stay together.

No one can authoritatively confirm which system is better. Marriage is difficult at best. However, the next time your American friend expresses his astonishment at the Eastern practices regarding marriage, you can point out to him the statistics of divorce and the high number of children born out of wedlock in his country. While there are many aspects of the Western life that we the Easterners need to learn and respect for they have a lot of good values, they have to do the same for our practices. Granted that often parents in arranging marriages look for a rich bride or groom, in general an American should be the last person to accuse BD and Asian people of being materialistic.

Cheers!

[Khondker_Islam]

Thanks Galib for your nice analysis.

[Music]

Thank you very much everybody! I always believed that our marriage custom is NOT bad, but I just didn't get good arguments.Now I have a LOT of points.
I really love this bulletin board, unlike others its realy helpful.
Bye.

[galib]

You're Welcome.