Jokes for Fun

[LoveBird]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and the n walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box,
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

[LoveBird]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here
years ago.
Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused
by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous
of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the
most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet,
a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,
and softly said,
'Wedding Cake.'

[LoveBird]

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They're knocked over, but continue to ask:
'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies: I told her I was 90!!