13th March 2002, 13:13
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(No offence to any Lions :( )
One Lion was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Lion answered, " No, I am Banta Lion." Another guy came and asked the him the same question. Lion answered, "No! No! Me Banta Lion!" A third one came and asked him the same question again. Lion was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Lion soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Lion was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Lion slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!" ---------------------------------------------------- A Lion died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are there in a year? The Lion thought for a few minutes and answered... 1.. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Lion replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word. ---------------------------------------------------- Jasmeet Lioness caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?" --------------------------------------------- Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a Muslim, and the other a Lion. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited. The Muslim was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned. Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and he too drowned. The Lion thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island. ----------------------------------------------- Two Lion (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot screams again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again. During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge, expensive airport but with such a short runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it." --------------------------------------------------- Having lost his donkey a Lion, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A surprised passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The Lion replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." ------------------------------------------------- Once a Lion was traveling in a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train Rs 20 to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for Rs 20, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Lion fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Lion was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw himself in the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" He replied "The cheat on the train has taken my Rs 20 and woken up someone else". ---------------------------------------------------- Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks. Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went into the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the driver was arrested He was found to be a Lion. He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after blowing the horn, flashing the lights etc. The authorities questioned : Mr. Lion are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger. You should have run that person over. Lion said : That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train got real close. ----------------------------------------------- Two Lions went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. So the two Lions swapped their sandwiches. ------------------------------------------------- Banta Lion finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!" ---------------------------------------------- Sirdar Gorbachev Lion is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'. --------------------------------------------- Two Lions were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ?" First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test." ------------------------------------------------- A Lions goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Lion, what are you doing?" To this the man replies,"Oye, see the board here, "Wash Basin". [Edited by Star on 23rd March 2002 at 04:57] 
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31st March 2002, 08:51
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Murghi Jokes
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural no one could solve the mystery..... as to Why the death at 11 AM? So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........
Just when the clock struck 11...... Scroll down for what happened... Sundeep Murghi, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
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